I’ve been an old-time radio hobbyist for a long time now - maybe 17 years, ever since I discovered that local station QR77 played OTR every evening of the week. Although QR77’s library was not initially vast (I suspect they’ve switched from tape recordings to internet downloads in recent years), it introduced me to a variety of programs from the past.
However, initially I was only interested in the thriller anthology programs such as Suspense, Escape, Inner Sanctum and so forth. I also enjoyed a few detective programs (notably the Shadow), but I really didn’t care for the old comedy programs at first. It took a long time for me to discover the Jack Benny Program, which gradually wore down my resistance to old comedy. Part of what I disliked about the comedy shows were the “humourous” voices, usually characters with voices that cracked (notably Portland on Fred Allen, Ezra Stone on the Aldrich Family, Walter Tetley on the Great Gildersleeve) or embarrassing dialects (Amos ‘N Andy). Eventually I was able to get past the voices and appreciate the writing, which still holds up.
So, while comedy was my least favorite genre when I started out as a fan, my choice for all-time worst program is not a comedy. It’s a detective program.
Over the past year, QR77 has taken to playing one detective show more than any other. I can only assume that whoever is responsible for selecting the programs does not actually listen to them. The show is called Barrie Craig, Confidential Investigator and it originally ran from 1951-55. It starred William Gargan as a typical private eye involved in typical private stories, with additional roles filled out by many of the professional supporting actors of the time (Parley Baer, Herb Ellis, Howard mcNear, Vriginia Gregg, etc.). If only they had been the stars.
Gargan had previously been the star of an early tv detective show called Martin Kane, Private Eye, but he quit the program because he thought the scripts were low quality and that his female co-stars were pretty but “empty-headed.”
Well, he was a fine one to talk when it came to scripts or acting ability. Perhaps Gargan was dynamic on television (I wouldn’t know), but he made for very poor radio. Other detective programs of the day had leads with supreme talent and personality like Howard Duff (Sam Spade), Gerald Mohr (Philip Marlowe), Jeff Chandler (Michael Shayne)…heck, even the syndicated Box 13 had the dynamic Alan Ladd in the lead to keep the listener interested. Gargan’s approach to radio drama was simply too laconic; he mumbled his dialogue without wit, force or character.
Another huge problem with Barrie Craig is that it arrived late in the day for radio at a time when most programs were transcribed. Fans of OTR will know what I mean when I say that early 50s transcriptions are some of the most difficult shows to sit through. There is no original music on Barrie Craig, just recycled scores from other transcribed shows like Rocky Fortune and That Hammer Guy (again, Box 13 was pre-recorded but had its own score). Like so many transcribed shows of the time, music is used primarily in bridges rather than in the background. Consequently, there is no music to bolster Gargan’s laid-back performance.
Continuing on sound, there’s the effects which are few and far between. Programs on tight budgets had to work hard to get around limited sound effects (Quiet Please was brilliant on that number). Barrie Craig had only whatever sounds NBC kept in its library, meaning that fake crowds sound like fake crowds; recorded gunshots sound like recorded gunshots; the illusion of radio is lost.
This is the one OTR program which I would advise anyone with an interest in the format to keep far, far away from. I’m no longer willing to suffer through it on QR77 and neither should you; when Barrie Craig comes on, that’s your cue to switch off.